Going completely off track on Murtadha's question about romance, I came up with a series of posts on romance. This is the first part. Hold your gag-reflex for couple of days; there're two more coming. Enjoy the ride.
Romance is a transcendental state that married and dating couples yearn to achieve with each other. It can't happen if you're weighed down with everyday crap, much less serious issues. That's why before going into definitions and examples, we have some clutter to clear.Distrust
The sustainability of ANY relationship has got to stand on trust. And a lot of it, too. To be trustworthy, you got to have a clear conscience. To able to trust others, you need time.
How long does it take for you to start worrying about your partner's loyalty when the two of you are physically separated? Just a day? That's not good sign, try giving each other some growing up time; chances are you're not of legal drinking or driving age yet.
How about a week? Take your time and think about it.
The longer it took for you to figure out the answer is the less trust have for your partner. If that's the case, place smaller investments in your relationship; because obviously one of you is not ready for it yet.
Okay, so what if you start worrying only after a month of absence? In that case, Darling, it's not abundance of trust that you have for your partner. It's the next clutter.
Negligence
I know a guy who showers his girlfriend with gifts and attention, calls her the most endearing terms and as often as she wants, worships the ground she walks on, and then he puts his phone on silence every time his wife calls.
Dude, grow up.
First of all, there is a clear difference between cheating and being in a/n open/polyandrous/polygamous/polyamorous marriage: the latter only occurs between consenting partners, who are actively involved in deciding upon where the relationship is going before someone tries on a new lover/wife/husband/orgy partner.
Secondly, I get that we're humans and are susceptible to seduction, but even THAT speaks graphic volumes about us and our relationships.
A person who is easily seduced is either:
- Lacks respect for their partner
- Lacks respect from their partner
- Has been sitting on a pedestal for too long that they take their partners for granted.
Codependence
The first two clutters occur when one of the partners is outside of their relationship. Codependence is the opposite of both: when one of the partners cannot look any other way.
A codependent partner doesn't usually have a normal social life. Their significant other is their only friend and social-scene. And everything they do is for their partner's sake. Which is popularly stated in love songs, but is just plain pathetic after a while.
Being in love is not an excuse to shut off your friends and family. And if your partner expect do so, you should be aware that you're driving yourself into a abusive relationship.
Abuse
Abuse can be physical, psychological, and emotional. Abuse encompasses all of the clutters above, then tweaks it into a forceful and rigid control. Abuse is not genetic, but it is genealogical: abusive couples become parents to abused and abusive children. In abusive relationships, you don't worry about romance, your worry about survival.
I have only suggestion to anyone in this kind of relationship: Get Out.
Share:
If you're single, you must've been guilty with (or violated by) one (or all) of the clutters up there. Which one was it? Or was there something else? Tell me what dropped the axe on your relationship; what made either one of you to break it up.
If you're in a relationship, well, you're on the wrong blog! Haha. Just kidding. Seriously, I do have a question for you: How did you know that this was the one?
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